Rumors
by La Salle De Bain
Summary: [Oneshot] Roy decides to nip it in the bud.


**A/N**: Hey, you all. I know I haven't been posting a lot of Fullmetal Alchemist fics lately (since Kingdom Hearts II was released), and I'm sorry! I've been FMA-less for quite some time now, actually. But thank God for the 'net. :3 This fic has some hints of yaoi (for humor-related jokes), but do not fear--there isn't any.

* * *

Ed and Al stood together in the park at Central, eating their usual morning jellydonut while under the biggest maple tree in town. It was moments like these that mattered—when they were together, clogging their arteries. But most importantly… 

They were AWAY from that weirdo Colonel boss of theirs.

As soon as Ed mentioned this, as if it were some sick cue, out popped Colonel Roy Mustang from a bush, flailing his arms in an attempt to capture a lone butterfly flying overhead. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Fullmetal and his kid bother.

"Oh. It's YOU two."

Then he paused. You may not have known, but the black-haired pretty boy was quite the social butterfly (which was why he was trying to capture a butterfly, actually-- to use it as a mascot). He ate up rumors like it was freaking cake. He absorbed trends like he were a sponge. And just so happened Roy had heard the newest rumor just a few minutes before…

That the shrimp was…dare he say—ATTRACTED to him.

Roy rephrased his last sentence. "Oh…my. It's…the Elric…eh, brothers…Uh, yeah."

"And what do YOU want, Mustang?" Ed barked.

Roy smirked softly. How _sweet_—little Edward was in denial. Precious. Just precious. "You know—just strolling through the town, and all that jazz."

"Well…like, go. Now."

Roy's eyes went wide; he read a book about this once—when a female said go, what she really meant was, 'Oooh, stay please and make passionate love to me, my knight in shining armor!' Well, maybe Ed WASN'T a girl, but he was kinda the closest thing to it. And it was pretty direct of him, asking Roy to sleep with him so quickly.

Mustang gasped. "You mean…right here? In the park?"

Ed's eyebrow arched. "Wh…what?"

Al sighed. He needed some normal friends.

"You know, Edward," Roy began, "I am QUITE flattered. After all, you've been hiding this secret for so long…"

"Uh…eh?"

Roy chuckled playfully. "You're so cute when you act like you're confused!"

Al looked at his brother. "Nii-san…? What did you do?"

"How am I supposed to—" Ed stopped. Oh, shit. Roy had found out. It happened like, three months ago, but Roy found out! Urrrgh, what would happen NOW?

"Look," continued Ed. "The cookie was just lying there, and I went to put it back in the jar, and then I got hungry, and then—"

Roy placed a finger of Ed's lips. "Oh, little boy…you're just trying to WHOO me now, now aren't you?"

Ed twitched. "Uhhh…"

"I know you want a go," Roy said, "but I just don't swing that way, y'know?"

"What do you mean I WANT a go?" Ed spat. "I've already had one!" They _were_ talking about cookies here, weren't they?

Roy held his mouth and squeaked like a little girl. "_WHAT_?" Well, Roy WAS into drinking, and he DID recall sleeping with someone during one of his drunken rages…

Oh, yes—Breda had told him that morning that it was him he did it with. Damn.

"And just WHO hasn't had one, anyway?" Ed added, shrugging.

Yet again, Roy squeaked. Ed was calling him a slut! The town whore! The city bicycle! And so casually, too! How dare he!

"Hey, and what do you mean by THAT?"

"Well," Ed muttered, "they ARE delicious."

_Delicious_? What was delicious? Roy blinked.

Ed snorted. "When they're freshly made, anyway. But you don't seem the type who got any from your mother or neighbors or something. You're pretty uptight—who knows how you acted when you were a kid."

Neighbors…? MOTHER? What kind of sick redneck country had THEY been living in? Roy was perfectly civilized—like he had ever gotten "ANY" from any one of the sort! How demeaning.

At this point, Roy was a puddle on the ground. Edward turned to his brother.

"Hey, do you want some coffee?"

"Yeah, coffee would be nice."

The End.


End file.
